Drawing Me (September 13)

I've never been a huge "self-portrait"-kinda doodler, realising very early on I did not possess the required illustrative skills nor decent enough a foundation to do a "legit" "portrait" per se ... I'd always depended on "sketch-styled caricatures" to entertain myself ... ironically, I used to have a (freelance) portrait-drawing service decades back, and even had a couple of paying customers too!

I doodled these up within a short-ish span of time, with the last one immediately upon waking up the next day ... primarily to deal with the angst of feeling "ugly" and "undesirable", and wanted to push that feeling of negativity further, realising I have been more than "kind" with my own portraiture depictions hahahaha


Seen above is my first (and "forced") self-portrait doodled freehand at 1:30am on Thursday morning ... realising I’ve not doodled anything since National Day (over a month), no wonder I’ve been feeling kinda empty and listless (#truestorybro) ... and I (accidentally) found my box of color copic markers only just, tucked away behind some other boxes stacked up, ironically meant to be prominent enough for me to notice, but alas hidden by the mountain of boxes that populate the space LOL ... Might try for color this time for the upcoming Inktober... “might”... :p


THEN I did a second self-portrait, becoz I’ve got my eye-patch on the wrong side for the previous one (handily inverted in the top blogpost banner, fhanks lol), and could not let that slide, even if it was 2+am in the morning ... ok, NOW I could go sleep!


AND waking up the very next day a few hours later, having literally dreamt I was attempting to draw a caricature of "Arnold Schwarzenegger" before (even down to the strokes, srsly), and I woke up this Thursday morning and had to draw another self-portrait (instead) ... well, the logic seems quite sound in my mind when I thought about it anyways... and then it was time to get out of bed and to brush my teeth!

Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, in no way have I captured how I look, except for the eye-patch, and of course the man-belly lol ... maybe its time to draw something else ... :p


Ok, FINAL self-portrait! Previous attempts had been based on “memory” (bordering on “idealistic imaginary” (LOL), while this was based on a self-snapped / selfie reference image - taken off my desktop (no, not going to post that, becoz "messy bedroom" :p), forgetting to take my earphones off, so I drew it on hahahahaha closest I’ll personally get for now, and I am happy it captures thy own personal ugliness, and that’s alright haha :)

This is not about "self-loathing", but I'd like to think that it's an "awareness", that certainly helps me be able to accept myself and my own lack - good or bad, I suppose. I'd rather be able to "draw the truth" ... some days, anyways :)

Cheers
Andy